You people are like hyenas circling their prey waiting for me to post…this is Jor’s Whole 30 Blog, not an award winning New York Times column…I need to be lazy, sleep in, and watch football on my alcohol free weekends, but don’t worry, I took notes, so here goes.
Also, I resisted the urge of those York Peppermint patties staring me down from day three.
I woke up on Friday from a vivid dream about a milkshake. I couldn’t recall any of the circumstances around the dream, I just remember there was a milkshake and that shit was delicious. It took about two seconds to wake up and register that I had willingly agreeed to undertake the Whole 30 and there would be no milkshake-goodness in my life for another 26 days…26 days seems like a god damn long time away. But I put on my casual Friday jeans and drove to work knowing that my first real challenge lay ahead.
Staff appreciation brunch. They went all out, there was bacon cooked in sugary goodness, scrambled eggs with just the right ratio of shredded cheddar, donuts, scones, juices and don’t worry, black coffee and fruit that was Whole 30 compliant. So while my coworkers shoved this delicious free food in their mouths I enjoyed the fruit and black coffee…I don’t know how I would survive W30 if I didn’t like black coffee. Wisely, I gorged myself on breakfast bake, bananas, and Larabars right before this all went down, so I really wasn’t hungry. I enjoyed socializing with my coworkers eating my fruit and coffee and honestly it really wasn’t that bad of an experience. I was surprised that the thing I craved the most was the orange juice.
Morning flew by and turned into lunch, spaghetti squash. I am so over spaghetti squash. It took me until the fourth day of eating spaghetti squash to realize that Meg did not fully carve out the insides of the squash and I day four I ate some seeds…I’m over spaghetti squash. Friday afternoon droned on with little excitement. I snacked on the few green beans I had left as well as some lunch meat and was headed out for the weekend.
Meg came over for a dinner that included pulled chicken with apples and onions on a bed of cauliflower rice, red potatoes, and a salad made up of mixed greens homemade dressing and avocados all topped off with Lacroix 👌🏼👌🏼Turns out it’s much easier to avoid alcohol and non-compliant foods by staying in and watching a movie, so that’s exactly what we did! [Sound of Music, Meg’s favorite, I had never seen it, pretty good!!]
and so ends Day 4
Day 5 started off great, woke up to a great breakfast of scrambled eggs, avocados, red potatoes, banana, and some black coffee! Had a crisp WSJ to read at the coffee house for an hour, couldn’t have asked for a better start to the weekend. Then the errands started.
First ran over to Meg’s to grab a couple of things and then off to the dealership for a quick tune up, or so I thought, 70 minutes later we left were off to Target for more grocies. [I’ve noticed a significant amount of time has been spent in grocery stores in the last five days] That’s when it set in. The Hanger. I was hungry and I really didn’t handle it well. All I wanted was a God Damn cheeseburger and the milkshake from my dreams, but no. So, like any grown, mature 27 year old man would do, I pouted and ran through the store grabbing what we needed. Naturally, when you’re on the Whole 30 shopping at just one store doesn’t really cut it. So, we ran next door to Lund’s to get the remaining items. Again I ran through the store with Meg a few steps behind and once I had everything we needed, that’s when I saw it, the line. EVERY checkout had at least five people in line and nothing seemed to be moving. I didn’t understand. Turns out the servers for Lund’s company wide were down; this couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not to me. I hadn’t eaten anything in five hours since those eggs and potatoes at breakfast, it was pretty much a lifetime ago. I don’t know if you’ve ever really been hangry on the whole 30, but I was not fun. I started huffing and brought up the idea to Meg of just walking out of the store with our five items, she gave me a look can be summed up as “STOP.” I gave it another solid 7-8 minutes of nothing happening and then threw my items in the nearest stand [mostly permissible] and walked out. Not my best moment, all I can say is bless Meg for putting up with me. I got home and stuffed my face with all the compliant foods I could fine, leftover chicken, fruits and LaraBars, and waited it out until dinner.
Dinner consisted of Chipotle 🙌🏼 Lettuce, Fajitas, Carnitas, pico, and quac. It was the best. We brought it over to some friends for a little Saturday evening socializing and I looked on in jealously of their cocktails and the two cans of Bud Light rudely staring at me from across the table. I managed to socialize for a few sober hours with compliant food and headed out for the evening. I really wanted an ice cream sandwich.
This is a lot of typing on an iPhone; you’ll get day 6 tomorrow.